Day: January 11, 2016

We took Cole in this morning and he is in great shape other than the tumor so he was approved for the amputation. His surgery started about an hour and a half ago and should be about halfway through. I was so sure of this last night. I would look at his leg and the now visible lump there and wish we could get that evil thing off of him as soon as possible but as soon as we were at the office, my brain was still sure and my heart was screaming with doubt. I am still feeling that doubt even though I know this is what is best for him. I will feel a little better when he is out of surgery. We just called to check on him and he is doing well under the anesthesia. They are just about ready to start closing. He was really scared when they took him back and put him in the kennel this morning and they gave him an anti-anxiety drug to help him and he did well with that. It kills me to hear he was scared. He wouldn’t walk back to the kennel area without us so we had to walk with him and I wanted to just curl up with him and hold him.

We left Ella with our friends and their dog while we went to the appointment. She has been looking for him since we got back. She won’t eat and seems really nervous. Ella skipping a meal is unheard of so I know she is stressed. I wish I could explain this to her. This is from the day a few weeks ago when they got their new bed and refused to move for 45 minutes. They sat like this and sighed and groaned. I can’t wait until we can go pick him up. It will be so weird not having him here tonight. I think one of us will be sleeping with Ella.

We have been focusing on Cole and Ella today with a ton of extra snuggles. We have pretty much been all about the dogs and the cuddles for the last few weeks. Above is from tonight. Below is Cole and Ella from last weekend. Actually, this is what they are up to most of the time.

My husband and I are both nervous about tomorrow morning. I’m trying to prepare in case Cole is approved for an amputation. The plan is surgery tomorrow afternoon if he is approved then our oncologist wants to do chemo right after he is released from the surgery center. I’ve been making a list of supplies we will need, making a mental checklist of things we need to do to get the house ready for his recovery, and mentally setting up an area for him to recover in. I’m making plans for meals for us, special treats to entice Cole to eat and getting all the errands I can think of out of the way. My husband and I are taking the first few days off work together then staggering days off so someone can stay with him. I have been looking at photos and reading posts on Tripawds to try and prepare myself. I think it is good I have done this because the first time I looked at the surgery and recovery gallery, I got so queasy I had to lay down for a little while. I think if I had waited and seen Cole like that, I would have been too freaked out and probably dizzy and nauseated. I want to be strong and ready so he doesn’t worry about me and why I am upset. I’ve also been preparing myself for his recovery so I don’t panic when he is having a hard time. I am dreading the cries of pain. I am dreading the day 3 or 4 crash that everyone seems to go through. We’re as ready as we will ever be but we are so scared.